Jordan and I had a lovely break with his family in Oregon and are now back to real life. The lake is frozen, we have a dusting of snow and its been below freezing for weeks. This is a good thing! Frozen lake means other activities like skating, skiing, and new terrain to explore, snow covers all the barren Earth and below freezing temperatures freeze the mud making it way less messy to walk around. We have also been house-sitting like crazy! My parents are undertaking another remodel project in the cabin, so its been great to be out of the mess for a bit. This time of year Alaskans travel...a lot, which is perfect for a couple of homeless folks. Our cabin is making slow progress, but we don't mind since its due to a blessing of a job, helping us pay for supplies.
All the waiting, all the house hopping, all the purpose searching and all the unknowns has got me thinking about choices. Thinking about all the choices one makes in a day is overwhelming. Take yesterday for example, there were the mundane choices: what to eat, what to wear, who to text,
what to read. There were life altering choices (usually labeled as
Decisions): winter jobs, choices regarding our current renters, summer
expectations. There were attitude choices: I chose to be sad straight from the get-go. I even noticed and "prayed" that I wouldn't be, but let's be honest...I wasn't ready to let go (another choice, perhaps?). I also chose how I interacted with people: who to be real with, who to reach out to, who to text, who to call. Some of these choices still haven't been finalized and are being carried into today.
Okay, now I'm exhausted and I don't fully know where I'm going with all this except to say, "we all have a choice". I want to say that "I wish we all had a moment before each choice to weigh the pros and cons", but I had that moment yesterday and it wasn't as great as I thought; I still chose sadness. I didn't choose to believe my God offered Joy in that moment. I couldn't understand how to walk in both, so I chose what seemed easiest and I wish I didn't because it altered my day. I refused to see His gifts and all my other choices were affected. I chose dessert instead of fruit. I chose irritation at Jordan, instead of treasuring the moment. I chose to not enter into another's pain because I was blinded by my own. Its scary to think of opportunities missed because of our choices. I'm not saying don't ever be sad (Jesus wept!), but there IS a way to give Him our sadness and to choose Joy. I have the ability to choose seeing Him through my tears and surrendering what I can't understand. Choosing to see would've given Life to my day.
Oh Lord, how I pray for the strength to choose Your Joy and Peace over what I don't understand, over my emotions, and over the lies. Lord, "enlighten my heart to know the Hope to which I'm called (Gal 4:3-7), to know, in full, the riches of my inheritance in You (1 Peter 1:3-9), and to know the immeasurable greatness of Your power (Eph 3:14-20)" (Eph 1). For if I know this and walk in this daily, then how could I ever want to choose anything less?? I am so grateful that "Your Grace is sufficient for me and Your power is made perfect in my weakness" (2 Cor 12:9) because I can't do this alone.
