When I was little my dad decided to work towards his Masters degree at Seattle Pacific University, so my parents loaded the family into our trusty Plymouth Voyager and drove down to the PNW. Crazy, but some of my favorite childhood memories are on the Alaska-Canada Hwy. The one I’d like to share is dear to my heart and has given me an awesome visual for what the Lord has done and is doing in our lives.
We left Anchorage right after school let out for the summer and a few days in we found ourselves stuck in the middle of nowhere waiting out a forest fire. It was on both sides of the road, but after what seemed like forever they let us through. The barrenness of that stretch of road was breathtaking. The first time I’d seen such destruction. I remember asking my parents why and would anything ever grow back. It all seemed nonsensical to me, but I was young so the concept of the cycles of nature were foreign. We eventually made it to Seattle, had a memorable time, then in August headed back to Alaska.
We were not prepared for what we saw as we passed through the same area that months before stopped us due to fire. Amongst the charred remains of the once great Spruce were millions of brightly colored fireweed. The color was otherworldly against the black backdrop of devastation. We hopped out and took several pictures, but nothing quite captured what our eyes were seeing. My dad reminded us that this is what God does. He takes the ugly, the barren, the broken and He makes them new. He repurposes them for His glory. That summer I saw firsthand what that could look like and have carried that visual through my darkest days.
The Lord is making all things new, He is making beauty from ashes and is always working for our good (Rev 21:5, Isaiah 61:1-3, Romans 8:28).
Many of you have followed my blog closely and I have to apologize that my posts have been scarce as of late. This year has been difficult to put down into words. I’ve barely even journaled, but He has brought me to such a place where I’ve been contented, non-desperate, and at peace that my need to verbally process through writing has not been necessary. I don’t know how else to explain…
I chose this weekend to reveal what the Lord is doing because obviously its a great reminder of what He’s done for us, but also because it so accurately reflects what He’s done in my life. He’s taken me through the darkness of infertility and through it has healed my heart. I need to quote Sarah Hagerty (“Every Bitter Thing is Sweet”) again because her journey is such a reflection of where He’s taken me and I can now confidently claim her words as my own, “‘A satisfied soul loathes the honeycomb, but to a hungry soul every bitter thing is sweet.’ I don't want to be a hungry soul just for a season, I want to live hunger. This is what draws me to Him. This is what fills every single bitter circumstance with the opportunity to know Him more. This is what brings me to the sweetness of His presence […] Because when I choose hope, when I choose to engage in that awkward intimacy of believing that He might say no while asking expectantly that He say yes, He gets the most beautiful part of me […] a baby in my arms is not something our healing has earned, the culmination of our hope. We each have a deeper journey still […] WINTER AND SPRING: HE IS HEALER IN BOTH.”
With the above in mind, Jordan and I are thrilled to announce that God has given us another opportunity to be parents! On January 31 we were surprised to find out that I’m pregnant again. We have since had a successful ultrasound and have heard this little one’s heartbeat multiple times. I’m 13 weeks as of today, so only 189 days left :D This is the furthest along I’ve been by a lot and I know there’s a long way to go, but we are so thrilled for this opportunity to give Him the glory no matter what our future holds. We know that He’ll take care of us and He’ll take care of our baby. We covet your prayers as we forge ahead into these unknown waters. Please pray that we can “engage in the awkward intimacy of believing He might say no while asking expectantly that He say yes”, that we will find more of Him as we seek Him, that our hearts will be prepared for what’s to come, and that we can actively engage in the joy set before us, unhindered by the doubts, fears and worry that plague our minds.
We are thankful for your support through this journey and are excited to be among such people as you while we embark on yet another life changing journey. You have acted as God’s hands, feet and voice and we couldn’t have made it through this without you. Thank you from the bottom of our hearts.
