2 years

2 years since the “desert”. A friend reminded me (yes I had to be reminded!) that not only was my firstborn turning 2 but it was also a celebration of His beauty from our ashes. A 2 year anniversary of what God has done and will do in our lives. 2 years ago we were not only celebrating the birth of our firstborn but of a God who was there in the waiting, and the hoping. He chose to write our story this way and we couldn’t be happier. We are so grateful for His presence through it all. 

It’s astounding to me how the hum drum of daily life can dim the wonder from a thing. I think its so important to take the time to reflect, take a step back and remember. I have very much settled into “momming” and my fleshly default longs for nap time, doing what I want to do and groans with the coming of morning. It’s ridiculous really. How come we’re all built with this complaining spirit in us? I want to remember those early days when Cole’s morning coos gave me such delight and when I’d marvel at the miracle of him during nap time waiting for him to wake so we could play again. Now I’m like, “Nooo it hasn’t been long enough! Go back to sleep kid!”

So today I remember. I acknowledge the challenge of this season, but choose to revel in the Glory of it all. His Glory. All is Grace. Such a balancing act of emotions. I am not perfect, never will be, but I AM thankful. Thankful my Lord shines in my weakness, thankful He remember, thankful He’s writing my story, thankful I’ve been chosen to raise His cute boys, and that His Presence surrounds us. 

Begin Again

“Difficult roads often lead to the most beautiful destinations (Author Unknown)" and I think the same can be said for life. My dad has often encouraged me to “find joy in the journey”, which often resulted in the rolling of my eyes or a sigh of frustration because sometimes that’s the last thing I want to hear. However, somewhere along the way it’s become my life’s mantra. 

These days my life is a revolving door of poopy diapers, dirty dishes, and laundry. I constantly battle getting sucked into the dreary mundaneness of it all. It tries to take over all the time. These precious moments with my littles could be robbed from my memory because I’m not stopping to enjoy, to find the joy, to soak in their smiley, giggly, pudgy handed selves. Instead the days start to blur together as sleep deprivation sets in, dishes are piled higher and coffee’s microwaved for the third time. 

My journey has taken many unexpected twists and turns, not unlike a road, but has brought me through many seasons that have helped shape me and prepare me for this beautiful one. I will never forget what I’ve been through, nor will I forget the lessons learned. One such lesson is that in any situation there is always something to be thankful for or to be joyful in, you only have to be willing to look. 

Hayden is now 7 weeks old and with his birth came another season, let’s name it Grace, because the feelings of inadequacy are real and the letting go is hard. I can’t be everything for all three boys (yes that includes the hubs), all the time. I have to say no when my toddler wants me to hold him on our walk because I only have two arms, but he’s growing fast and won't ask much longer so my heart breaks because I can't always say yes. I knew this was coming but now, living it, I’m feeling all the growing pains that come with and know that I can still be thankful. I’m thankful that he’s learning patience and sharing, that he still loves his momma and that he has two strong healthy legs that can carry him. 

There is a lot of joy to be had in this season and I don’t want to miss it! I am finding joy in my journey, even on the hard days. I am leaning ever harder on God’s Amazing Grace because He is carrying me, even as I carry these boys. He lifts my teary eyes to see the joy that is my life and to not fret over what I can’t do because He can. I want to intentionally live in His Grace and feel all the feelings. We are learning and we are growing and there IS enough love to go around. If I could be supermom and everything else then how would Cole and Hayden know their need of a Savior?

This is only the beginning.