Just Life

Jordan and I had a great time together during his visit home a couple weeks ago. I got a whole week with him! Much more than I expected. We went on a few hikes and got to Anchorage for a date and shopping. He is loving his time in the woods. He borrowed a SAT phone for the October hunts, so we've been able to communicate!! I seriously don't know how the wives survived without technology for so long. Those 2 weeks without hearing his voice were downright awful. I am so thankful for Peter Goodwin and his sharing heart. His SAT phone has made this season go so much faster. Jordan is now guiding out of Canoe Bay with Canoe Bay Outfitters, which is on the Aleutian Chain. The clients are hunting for coastal brown bears. He has one client so far and they have seen a lot of wildlife, but not anything worth shooting at or within range to shoot at. He hopes to get one soon because the weather is fierce down there. Howling winds and rain all day. Thankfully he has a cabin to call home instead of a tent this time around.

Life for me has been good mostly. I am just taking things one day at a time. Work is going well. The cabin remodel is coming along. The upstairs has been spray foamed and all but one window has been replaced, so we are warm again! Hallelujah! Now my dad is working on a duct system for upstairs and a piping system downstairs so that the flow of the heat will cover the whole cabin. In the meantime we are living a cluttered life. The library is sharing the kitchen space. Jordan's closet and Robbie's bedroom are also sharing the kitchen/living room. Maneuvering has been a bit of a challenge. To quote my dad "things have to get worse before they can get better!" Let's hope the worst is over.....not sure how much more I can take. I have gotten to town almost every weekend Jordan's been gone. It has been wonderful to be with my sister and to see my mom. Jodi's xc team just won state the 6th year in a row! Grace boys also won making that their 8th championship in a row. We are all so proud!

I'd like to leave you all with some photos of our goings ons....

 The Lord has blessed us with some INCREDIBLE sunsets 

 Our hike around Beaver Pond while he was home.

 My "carpool" buddy 

 Our "road" to Anchorage

Road-trip to Seward for XC Regions

 The cuties and I

 Gorgeous fall day in Seward

The lovely Mary Katherine Goodwin 

Sunset in Port Alsworth turned Tanalian Mountain bright red

 Tanalian Falls

 Hiking with Tana

 Kontrashabuna Lake

 123A State XC

She rocked it at 10th place!

 Getting ready for her last Fall Social. She's dressed like the 1930's.

xoxo

Daily Bread

Quick word for the day. Jordan has had to deal with pretty crazy weather out there these past few weeks. 55mph winds one day, fog to the ground most morning and rain practically everyday. They say its been our rainiest Fall in quite some time. Seems only fitting after our sunniest summer in decades. He does not have phone capability so I have only been getting Spot messages (basically a quick 50 character text that links me to his location coordinates). From what I've gathered he is having a grand ol' time. He saw 12 bears with his last client (not sure why they didnt get one down) and this week he is hunting with two clients trying to get them moose and bears. We hope to get a satellite phone to him next week (YAY!). It has been extremely lonely not talking with him. I cannot wait to hear his voice again! My work has been good. It has been wonderful getting to dress up for work, work a small amount of hours, and then have the rest of my day to blog, talk with old friends, read, get dinner ready, etc. The work itself isn't what I've always dreamed of doing but it gets me out of the house and distracts me from missing my other half.

The Lord has been so good to me and is always so faithful. It has been a hard season but I have seen His handiwork more clearly than ever before. I get up each morning wondering how I can survive another day without Jordan or without my babies, but after a Bible reading, a prayer, a chat, or a walk in this beautiful place I am reminded of why I am here sloshing through life. It's to grow so close to Him on this Earth that Victory shines from within and reaches out to those surrounding us. It's to be real with one another, to support each other in the journey and to help each other realize this Earth is not our home. He gives us today our daily bread. He gives us enough to face each day if only we remember to seek His face. The remembering is the difficult part for me and I am still (will always be this side of Heaven) in training, but to live this truth is Life itself. So I am here struggling each day to understand the whys, but He reminds me daily that the figuring is already done and I am to just keep finding my Joy and purpose in Him. 

On a side note....I have pretty amazing roommates and we had a great campfire dinner in our backyard last night! 

Abide

Jordan has left for hunting. He has had two clients so far. The first one shot his bear, but then lost it. It ran off into the alders. Jordan and Jeremy crawled through and tracked the thing for a couple hours, but it just kept on going. Bummer that the client couldn't bring home his kill. He's out with the second client now, but we've had fog to the ground for a couple days making it difficult to see anything. I think they've just been laying low for now. Jordan's gotten to call home a couple times with my Uncles's satellite phone.

It has been wonderful to not be so busy and to just rest, but all vacations must come to an end. I have started a part time job at Lake and Penn Air as a dispatcher. This week is my first week! It has helped having something to do instead of just waiting around for Jordan to come home. I feel like he's been gone an eternity and its not even September yet. It helps to know he's doing something he loves and has always wanted to do. The Lord gave me a precious gift the first week Jordan was gone. He orchestrated a women's retreat with some beautiful women of God. Most go to Soldotna Bible Chapel and live in Soldotna, AK. I am so bummed I never got a chance to hang out with them while I lived there. It was wonderful to learn about the love of Our Father and what He desires for us. We learned about abiding in Him.

Abiding has been a theme for me this year. (I find it fascinating how The Lord does that for me) I have always struggled with applying this principle to my life and this is why....its not a principle its a whole new way to live! I believed that if I didn't have my devotions during the day then I wasn't abiding. Wrong. I have realized its not about Bible reading, praying, church going, living morally (although these are all good and critical to your walk), but its about walking with Him daily. He doesn't want you to only come to Him when you get a moment to sit in your comfy chair with coffee by your side. He wants you to come to Him throughout the day by telling Him when so and so hurt your feelings, when your husband said the wrong thing, when your husband said the right thing, when your heart hurts so bad you can hardly go on, when your best friend called right when you needed it most, when you're laughing so hard tears are pouring out, when you just don't understand, when the sunset outside makes you want to shout His praise (I'm sure you get the point). Don't get me wrong I love meeting Him in the morning with my comfy chair and coffee just so, but letting Him infiltrate my life through whispered conversations has altered my world. Letting Him love me the way He longs to love me has dramatically changed the way I see life....has opened my heart to an eternity with Him....has helped me notice the blessings even through the hard days. He just wants to shower His love on us and all he asks is that we trust Him with our everyday.

Enough babbling, this is hard ladies and gentlemen, but oh so worth the journey. When we pour out our baggage at His feet we make room for Him to pour life into us making us capable of living life abundantly and full of joy. He wants so much more for us than just surviving until the end. He wants us to THRIVE!

The Simple Life

Sorry for the "radio silence," but life sort of got away from me. It is slowing down again, so I thought I'd pick blogging back up. After two years there is way too much to catch you all up on, so here is the current news. We have moved to Port Alsworth, AK.

Its not that we didn't love Soldotna, but The Lord was moving us on. After the Holidays we both began to feel a bit restless. Jordan was ready to try his hand at guiding and I was ready for a new job. Neither of us knew how to make either happen, so we started looking for opportunity and praying hard. Jordan surprised me with a trip to Hawaii this Spring for 2 weeks! It was fabulous and greatly appreciated. We spent 10 days on Oahu and 4 days on Kona with my Grandparents. We got to do a few hikes and of course swam a lot. Pearl Harbor on Oahu was sobering and touching. Jordan cliff jumped over a waterfall that we hiked to, but I was too chicken. We saw whales and I played my first round of golf with Grandad, Grandma MJ and Jordan. We were not ready to come home. However when we returned surprise awaited. Jordan was offered a two fold job: construction this winter that would turn into him guiding adventure tours (camping, fishing, hiking, etc) next summer for Peter Goodwin with Alaskan Ventures. My uncle Jeremy also recruited him for guiding moose/bear hunts this Fall!! These two venues are located in Port Alsworth, AK. We thought it over for a month or so and decided to go for it. With our notices put in to our employers we started finishing up the remodel on our house, found renters (from Oregon), put most of our things into storage and shipped the remaining items to Port Alsworth. Unfortunately this decision cost us our summer and it just so happened to be the warmest one in who knows how long. We tried out best to enjoy the sun as often as we could, but it just wasn't enough.

Pale and tired we arrived in Port Alsworth the first week of August. We are living in my Grandad Davis's cabin. It just so happens my dad also accepted a job out here as principal of Tanalian School, so he also will be living in the cabin. My mom will join him next summer after my youngest sibling, Jodi, graduates High School. The cabin was built by my Grandad and his boys back in the 70's. It is 4 bedrooms, 1 bath. The rooms are small, but the living area is larger than you would think. There is no dishwasher and no dump, so we handwash dishes and burn all our garbage. The things we can't burn wait for a plane ride back into "town" (Anchorage or Soldotna mainly). We have hot running water and electricity, however the cabin was not built for Alaskan winters, so using these facilities is very expensive long term. Part of our rent is to winterize the cabin and to cut costs wherever we can. I've been hanging laundry out to dry, Jordan and Robbie are replacing the windows with better insulated ones, and my dad is creating a radiant heat system through our wood stove. It has been quite exciting, but a lot of work for the men. I have enjoyed cooking them dinner after their long work days.

Hopefully I can get a part time job out here, but for now I am enjoying the tranquility of this place. The lake is our backyard and I've enjoyed watching it change daily as the air gets colder. The air is fresh and the pace is slow. Along with the old memories of childhood is mixed anticipation for the new. This place is awash with God's glory and I am so blessed to be a part of it all. Its healing qualities have refreshed my soul. You can't help but praise Him here.

After next Fall we don't know where we'll be. We may be calling this place home or getting ready to find a new adventure. It truly amazes me how much can happen in one year. For now we are right where we are meant to be. Be praying for us as this adventure will have its challenges. Jordan will be gone weeks and months at a time....I am not excited about this. It gets dark, cold, and potentially lonely here during winter. Pray that I can find God-fearing ladies to befriend. Overall pray that we can "rejoice always, pray without ceasing, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for us." (1Thess 5:16-18). 

All Things New

"'And He took bread, gave thanks and broke it, and gave it to them...' (Luke 22:19 NIV) [...]
In the original language, 'He gave thanks' reads 'eucharisteo.' The root word of eucharisteo is charis, meaning 'grace.' Jesus took the bread and saw it as grace and gave thanks.
He took the bread and knew it to be gift and gave thanks.
But there is more, and I read it. Eucharisteo, thanksgiving, envelopes the Greek word for grace, charis.
But is also holds its derivative, the reek word chara, meaning 'joy.'[...]
Was this the clue to the quest of all most important?
Deep chara joy is found only at the table of the euCHARisteo - the table of thanksgiving.
I sit there long...wondering...is it that simple? [...] The joy wonder could be here!
Here, in the mess, piercing ache of now, joy might be - unbelievably - possible!
The only place we need see before we die is this place of seeing God, Here and now [...]
Grace, thanksgiving, joy. Eucharisteo."
Voskamp, Ann. One Thousand Gifts, 31-33.

I was on my couch one summer morning beginning a book recommended to me, not unusual. What was unusual, however, was the book itself...inside the cover lay hidden treasures that transformed my life. This book opened my eyes to the long known truth that God is good.

I don't know how I came to be in that place for so long, but I was. You know those days that you just want to be angry or sad or blind to the pain and no matter how often you justify being there you know its wrong. Well that's where I was and I was stubborn, I didn't want to listen to that still small voice. I felt betrayed by Him and by all I grew up knowing...believing. I wasn't sure I was ready to trust again, yet I knew everything would be better if I did. I told myself I'd let it go and let God, but something inside me kept screaming and although I believed I really had "let God," deep down I knew I hadn't. This is where I was when One Thousand Gifts came to me. I had pushed all that emotion so deep inside me that I almost believed I had conquered it, that I was back! But we all know how long that lasts once we let His light shine in our darkest places. Little did I know that this book was the start of all things new. That being real with God was okay and meant healing.

It started with thanks. I didn't start a list, nor did I tell anyone. I just began...slowly... from the beginning. I let God show me the way. Nothing special, just the little things. Rainbows, cold sheets, sunrises, hot coffee on sleepy mornings, sweat-drenched runs that leave you feeling as if you've conquered something, nature, etc. Everytime I seeped back into an angry, painful, apathetic day where I felt small and insignificant God would plant a thought...a thankful thought and let it grow. On days when I couldn't see straight from all the lies Satan was feeding me, I listened to Him through the faces around me who I knew loved and cared for me. I heard Him! I saw Him! I felt Him in the here and now! Ann says it best "His nail-scarred hands cupped my face close, wiped away the tears running down, had eyes to look deep into my brimming ache, and whispered, 'I know. I know.' (87)

The emptiness inside me will always be there, but what has begun to fill the void has turned the sharp pain into a dull ache. I will never be the same...Thank God! I have been in the darkness and do not ever want to go back, but I know I will. That's our nature. The beauty is I know now. I know the key. I know how to fight my way into His light again. I know how to breathe again. For today I have relinquished control (well more like my illusion of control)...I have let God be God. I choose Joy!

This journey has taken me to a new awareness of how unworthy I am to be in His presence, to be so inexpressibly blessed, yet here I am falling in love with my Jesus all over again and soaking in His daily gifts. Thanksgiving has new meaning for me. Looking back to where I've been and to that scary future ahead I am convinced that He is a better Author of my life than I could ever be, that no matter what the circumstance I can choose JOY, that life is a gift and we are meant to celebrate Him, that I don't have to understand, that He loves unconditionally, that He. Is. Good. "Oh the depth of the riches and wisdom and knowledge of God! How unsearchable are His judgments and how inscrutable his ways! 'For who has known the mind of the Lord, or who has been His counselor?' 'Or who has given a gift to Him that He might be repaid?' For from Him and through Him are all things. To Him be glory forever. Amen" (Romans 11:33-36).

So here's to my God, my wonderful Savior who is changing me from the inside out, transforming me into the woman He wants me to be and I am glad. I do not deserve Him, none of us do. Life will always be hard, but without Him it is impossible. Thank you God for understanding me and for giving me life. I pray I live in celebration of You so that others may see and that I will be prepared for the ugly days to come. I have entered a new chapter in my spiritual life book, God has "changed my want to" (Moore, Beth. Breaking Free), my passion, my desire. "I want my everyday to make God belly laugh, glad that He gave life to someone who loves the gift, who will use it up and wring it out and drag it around like a favorite sweater" (Niequist, Shauna. Cold Tangerines, 235.) Praise God for healing, for laughter, for pain, for love, for tears, for the unexpected. Thank you Jesus. Eucharisteo.

"Praise and glory and wisdom and thanks and honor and power and strength be to our God for ever and ever. Amen!" Revelation 7:12

Blessed

After 10 months of hard looking we finally found a perfect match! It's amazing how when God's in the mix everything can fall into place so quickly when its right. Our new home is located in Soldotna, AK, right in town. The house is 2 bedroom, 1 bath and is located on a third of an acre....it also has a wood stove. It was a foreclosure and has been vacant for a long while. We have LOTS of work to do...Let the creating begin! It has been a blast, although tiring, painting, cleaning, picking colors and furniture. I love have our very own space that we can do with however we want! We hope to begin moving in during the next couple of weeks. I can't wait! Most of the harder work will begin once we've moved in....the house was built in '79 so there's a lot of updating and kinks that need to be worked out. Here are the before pictures:

Falling Leaves

The last few weeks I've been dreading winter: the cold, the dark, the snow, the length, the lack of energy, and the end of all things summer!! The chill in the air is back and we've had more rainy days than sunny ones. I've been getting a panic feeling in the pit of my stomach when I think to much on it.....but there's hope.

I unexpectedly walked into JoAnn Fabrics with my Aunt Jess a couple days ago and their fall things are up: wreaths, cinnamon pine cones, oranges, yellows, browns, harvest, etc. I was thrilled! I was reminded of why we're upon my favorite time of the year, not my least. I love just enough chill in the air to cozy up in a sweater or under a quilt. I love harvest parties, Christmas parties, Thanksgiving food. I love that holidays mean being with my family. I love getting to be at home without having to rush to the next thing. Fall means xc running, hot chocolate, colors, projects actually being finished, and best of all its the turn we need to bring us closer to Christmas, which calls to mind the first snow that changes the world into a magical soundless place filled with sledding, ice skates, crystal air, twinkle lights, and family gatherings.

In one small errand my whole demeanor changed. Instead of dragging my feet I feel lighter than air. I love how the Lord can take a simple task and transform my attitude if I let Him. Living this life with Him has taken the dread out of moments because He's there, in ALL of them. How can anything be worth panicking over when He's walking right beside you, taking care of you, bestowing His grace upon you? Nothing is worth it, but we're human, so we do. Oh God that I would remember to trust You in all moments!

Fleeting summer moments captured here: